Kristin was diagnosed with a brain tumor called Glioblastoma (grade IV). In case you were wondering, this is a highly aggressive tumor - and yes, it's terminal.
Terminal.
I just found out about an hour ago and since then I feel like I've lived a few years. My heart stopped when I read those words and I just didn't understand what was happening. Is this real? This can't be real, please Heavenly Father, tell me this isn't real.
It's real.
Have you ever cried so hard that you almost threw up? Like if your stomach weren't empty, its contents would've definitely ended up in your sink? I did. Tonight.
Terminal.
My immediate response was to fall to my knees and plead, no, BEG the Lord to please save her. I kept saying that over and over again: "save her, God please just save her. Save her. Save her." I'm not sure how long the prayer was, it just deteriorated into those words, repeated over and over until my voice was gone and my sobbing no longer produced any tears.
Please save her.
I've never wanted anything so badly in my life. I got up off my knees and declared to Ky that we needed to do something. I needed to do something - to save her. I felt this anger well up inside of me and one question kept running through my mind.
Why.
Why her? Why is this precious woman going through this? Why now? Why was she diagnosed a mere two days after giving birth to a healthy baby boy? Why is her husband going through this? Why them? WHY?!?!!! I kept phasing in and out between despair and outrage. I don't understand. I'll never understand.
Hope. That's an important word, and one that is used both casually and in times of great need. "I hope it doesn't snow this week" and "I hope my friend will survive" aren't even in the same universe. But here's the thing about hope: we need it. As Ky held me in his arms, he reminded me that without hope there's no reason to live. Why live without the hope of a better life, one without pain and suffering? Why not hope for a place and time when all wrongs will be righted?
Hope.
"And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise. Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope." Moroni 7: 41-42
I have faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ, and His promises to us. I have faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ and its doctrines, primarily the doctrine regarding the sealing of families so that they may be eternal. I have faith that once we've reached that heaven of which we've learned, all wrongs will be righted. If, and I say IF because I have hope that Kristin Kourageous will once again defy the odds and beat this thing, if Kristin goes to rest with the Lord she will one day have the opportunity to raise her precious son. No trial or experience in her mortal life will take that privilege away from her.
This is a piece of art by Kristin - she gave it to me in April of 2014 when she moved from Wymount. She had no way of knowing then how much I would need this today. This will be my daily reminder to hope for a better life, one with Kristin in it.
https://www.gofundme.com/hopeforkristin
No comments:
Post a Comment