Grey's Anatomy

Last week I started a new show. Well, new to me at least. I've been hearing about Grey's Anatomy for years, and many of my good friends are in love with that show. My primary objection is the fact that I can't do medical things. Not even a little bit. Zero medical things at all. Blood, vomit, puss; if it comes out of the human body, I'm not interested. My friends kept reassuring me that "it's really not that bad, you hardly notice it". I'm calling BS on that one. Or maybe it's my fault for not adequately expressing my disgust at all things medical. Whatever the case may be, I wish it weren't so gross because I am sucked in by all of the relational drama that happens each episode. Here's my take on the characters so far as they've been introduced (**spoiler alert: if you haven't seen it, leave now).

Meredith Grey: she's ok I guess, I'm not a huge fan of the narratives at the beginning or end of the episodes though. I like that they're presenting her as a strong female lead; HOWEVER, I feel like they could've made her last without Dr. McDreamy a bit longer. Her career is on the line here!! She doesn't need a man!

Dr. McDreamy: he has nice hair

Christina: super mean, but also has great hair

Izzie: she's got gumption, I think I like her

George: what a teddy bear of a man. It breaks my heart that he's in love with Meredith and pines over her. Also, everyone walks all over him because he's such a nice, caring, sensitive guy. Jerks. You do you George! You go Glen Coco!!

Alex: since my peers at BYU are reading this blog, I'll refrain from using the words I'd like to use to describe him. You get the picture though.

Dr. what's-his-face-the-one-who-slept-with-Christina: he's also mean, so I guess it makes sense he's into Christina

"The Nazi": I didn't like her at first, but then I really did. She calls people on their crap. Get it guuurrl.

It's undecided as to whether or not I will continue watching the show because 1. medical stuff is nasty 2. it's pretty sexual in nature, so I'm fast forwarding a lot of stuff, and then rewinding because I think I'm missing stuff and I end up watching the stuff I fast-forwarded in the first place 3. I get sucked into watching like 2 or 3 episodes at a time (that's almost 3 hours solid) and I can't afford to continue going to bed at 2am when my 9 month old wakes me up at 4am to eat.

And this has been your view into my life. You're welcome. Congratulations to my fellow classmates for finishing your research papers, we're in the home stretch people #blessed

Technoference

Last Monday we talked about mobile phones and the impact they've had on our society, and continue to have. I was especially impacted by learning the concept of "technoference"; which is just a made up term for the concept of allowing technology to interfere with your relationships. This caught my eye because it's something that causes a lot of conflict between my husband and I. We're both constantly on our phones, whether it's Facebook, Instagram, games, Reddit, Tumblr, etc. we're never giving one another our 100% undivided attention. This really bothers me, because I don't particularly enjoy talking to the top of his head while he stares down at his phone, and getting mumbled responses to questions I asked 5 minutes ago. Technoference is real - and I'd like to work toward not allowing it in my marriage.

9 Months In, 9 Months Out

Well, the day has finally come: my baby boy has been outside of my belly for as long as he was in it. So many feelings... I don't know how to feel. It's gone by so fast.

Weight and height: Unknown - I'll update it after his appointment next week

Likes: cheese, bananas, bread, butternut squash, literally anything anyone is eating within a 2 mile radius, balls of any kind, crawling everywhere, touching/grabbing things he shouldn't, shrieking, chasing his older friends around the park, trying to steal his friends' pacifiers, the bib he uses while he nurses (it's his security blanket), baths, the "Digimon" theme song, drinking water from his sippy cup like a big boy, turning the PS4 on/off, playing with his Abuelito and kissing his Abuelita

Will put up with: this is no longer a valid category - at this stage in his life, he either loves or hates something

Dislikes: getting his diaper changed, going to bed, when I try to take something out of his mouth that doesn't belong there (i.e. crumbs he finds on the floor, leaves, bark, etc.), when I take a shower (because I can't play with him for like 10 min)

Hates: getting in the car seat, driving in the car, getting in the stroller - basically anything that impedes his ability to crawl around

Personality, temperament, and attachment thus far: easy temperament, secure attachment. He's a HUGE Mama's boy and doesn't like when I leave him anywhere; as in, I'll step out to take the garbage out and he thinks I'm leaving him forever. Yeah, it's real fun. But it does feel nice being the #1 person in his life - makes me feel real special. He has an incredibly fun personality though - he's jabbering and chatting all day long, and he has a 1000 watt smile that lights up his whole face.

Physical feats: on February 13, 2016, my baby boy crawled. In that same week, he furniture stood. Now, he's furniture walking and standing. Yes, you heard that right, standing. He can stand for about 7 seconds at a time, and then doesn't know what to do, so he just drops onto his little tush. He's perfected the pincer grasp, and he's learning to push food to the back of his mouth and chew. He has 4 teeth, and 2 are just days away from breaking through the gums.

Mama's highlights: He's just so big, I can't believe how quickly the last 9 months have gone. My favorite thing he does lately is give me kisses. Sometimes, I'll be talking to him and he'll just grab me by the ears and lay one on me. It's the most slobbery, endearing, adorable, and wonderful gift I've ever gotten.

These are pictures from January - March, since I missed the 7 and 8 month updates... because I'm the worst:

January 2016

February 2016

March 2016

Man Up: The Myth of Masculinity

We live in a society that often speaks out on the injustices against women: same educational level/job qualifications than men but less pay, the glass ceiling that has yet to be shattered, never being “good enough” no matter what career path she chooses, etc. I wholeheartedly agree with these statements, and many more than the ones I included in this short list. However, it may not surprise you to know that the problem must first be solved with men. 

I remember when we were told about the opportunity to watch The Mask You Live In*; I scoffed. I thought “seriously? Men have a hard time in this culture? Yeah, okay”. But I also needed extra credit, so I went ahead and went to the showing of the documentary. I am beyond grateful that I decided to go, because what I learned has forever changed how I view men’s own struggles within our society. 

*"The Mask You Live In follows boys and young men as they struggle to stay true to themselves while negotiating America’s narrow definition of masculinity"

(definition courtesy of: http://therepresentationproject.org/film/the-mask-you-live-in/)

The documentary consists of several men, young and old, sharing their experiences about how they're navigating through our society, given the very narrow construct of what masculinity truly is. As the documentary carried on, I began to feel more and more depressed by the obstacles men face. Honestly, I kept thinking about my own son and how he's going to have to go through all of this - and it begins at a very young age. By age 5, most boys know it's not okay to cry in public, or show any emotion other than happiness or anger. One of the educators who spoke in the video said you can see this clearly by walking up to a group of young boys and asking "who's the sissy around here?", to which all of the boys single out one lone child. That boy has one of two options: either he can stand up and pick a fight with them, or he can run away and cry. The former option just perpetuates this stigma that boys have to be physical and aggressive, or else they're not boys. The latter just alienates the boy from his playmates, and solidifies his spot as the "sissy" among men. Another example given was of a father who asked his son "if your coach told you that you ran like a girl, how would you feel?" to which his son answered "I would be devastated". This insistence that men and women are too different, that they can't possibly share any qualities, permeates even the youngest of minds. From a young age boys learn that doing anything "like a girl" will make you stand out among your peers in an unfavorable and unacceptable way. Why? We see the same happen among girls and women. Women who are powerful and outspoken are often called very demeaning and hurtful things (the word I'm thinking of starts with a "b" and rhymes with "pitch"), and are seen as too bossy, aggressive, and above all, an annoyance not be taken seriously. The documentary shared the following idea: if you were to give a survey to 100 boys, you'd see that the results of that survey would fall on a bell curve. Now, administer the same survey to a group of 100 girls, and again you'd see a bell curve. If you were to overlap the two bell curves, one on top of the other, you'd see that there is a 90% similarity overlap between them. This goes to prove that there really aren't that many differences between men and women. Why? Because we're both human. Because we're both allowed to (and certainly do) feel a wide range of emotions, and neither sex should be constrained to a short list of socially acceptable expressions of emotion. Sex is biological; however, gender is a social construct. There's a spectrum for gender ranging from hyper-feminine to hyper-masculine, and any given person can fall anywhere on that range. But again, our society would have us believe that there is no spectrum. There is only feminine  and masculine, and there must be something wrong with those who can't fit into either one or the other. 

Masculinity is something that has to be proven in our society; it's a rejection of anything that is feminine. Compassion, empathy, sadness, hurt, fear, etc. are all unacceptable emotions for men to exhibit. I'm going to write some examples of things men have heard (or are hearing) about what it means to "be a man": 

• a man uses violence to solve problems
• don't talk about your feelings
• just deal with it

The following phrases are what the men/boys admitted thinking when they heard these phrases: 

• when I'm sad, I don't tell anybody about it 
• I can talk about being mad, but not sad, depressed, or vulnerable
• I distanced myself from my effeminate friend and threw myself into sports to prove my masculinity
• why am I ostracized because I don't want to fight? 
• I felt alone because I was different
• I was discouraged by means of physical force from ever expressing emotions
• men/boys prepare their masks when they leave home, for when they have to face the world

The following are harrowing statistics regarding what men/boys have to face as a result of the hyper-masculine ideal being shoved down their throats: 

• by age 12, 34% of boys have started drinking (a possible explanation for this was that when they're drunk, they're allowed to tell their buddies "I love you" and to loosen their usually strict conduct, without fear of verbal or physical retaliation)
• 1 in 4 boys binge drink (that means 5+ drinks in a row)
• every day, 3+ teenage boys commit suicide - suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for teenage boys
• fewer than 50% of men and boys with mental health issues will seek help

What is it about being a man in America that makes them be this way? What's behind the behavior problem? A proposed answer was that the responsibility falls on the great American myth: sports build character*. Sports and athleticism are seen as a mark of masculinity; therefore, to be a man you must not only participate in sports, but be successful at them. Another proposed culprit is the media. Oh the media. Our generation is bombarded with media from all sides: literature, cell phones, social media, internet, TV/movies, radio - those are just to name a few. In particular, media images can do a lot to effect a person. The typical macho man, hyper-masculine character that you see in movies is not only unrealistically fit, but he is also an emotional monotone. He keeps his cool under pressure, and always has control of the situation. Because of this portrayal of "the ideal man" in the media, young boys and men start to idolize someone who can't express themselves emotionally. The biggest offenders in the media, according to the experts consulted for the documentary, are violent video game protagonists. Violent video games are creating an arousal addiction in the minds of boys, and studies have shown time and time again that the most addictive games are those which are most violent. This arousal addiction can cause a resistance to build in the mind: over time, they need more and more violence to satisfy their needs AND/OR become desensitized to the real violence committed on real people around them. This same arousal addiction is seen in pornography usage. 

*in my non-professional opinion, I believe sports can build character when the coach teaches good character, and models it him/herself 

Examples of hyper-masculine men in the media: 

courtesy of http://www.teen.com/2011/07/21/celebrities/hottie-of-the-week/chris-evans-captain-america-superhero-hot-shirtless-pictures/#1

courtesy of http://www.muscleandfitness.com/features/school-rock-dwayne-johnsons-7-life-lessons

courtesy of http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/sydney-confidential/hugh-jackman-to-arrive-in-sydney-within-the-next-three-weeks-to-begin-filming-the-wolverine/story-e6frewz0-1226418304953

courtesy of http://www.reelz.com/trailer-clips/55225/thor-chris-hemsworth-interview/

Here are some disturbing statistics regarding violent video game usage, and pornography usage: 

• 99% of boys play video games (any game, not exclusively violent games)
• 50% of parents don't monitor the video game ratings (i.e. E for everyone, M for mature) 
• 93% of boys are exposed to porn
• 68% of young men use porn weekly
• 21% of young men use porn daily 

Pornography is feeding into the rape culture that exists in the United States because it's subconsciously teaching young men not to see the humanity in women. One testimonial in specific stated that the message he receives from media is that "women exist for (men) to have sex with them". Men's violence against women is at an epidemic proportion. 1 in 5 college women are attempted or successfully sexually assaulted. One educator gave a great example of this concept (which I will paraphrase): 

"Young men see a young woman walk by and are taught to say things like 'I'd like to hit that', 'I would tap that'. 'Hit' and 'tap' are acts of violence, while 'that' is an object." 

So all in one, men are taught that violence is how you get what you want AND women are not only objects for their amusement, but the sole purpose of their existence is to satisfy men's needs. It's what the documentary referred to as "The Great Setup" - it's a recipe for violence. 

Recipe = men are taught to never show any emotion (other than anger) + women exist for men's enjoyment + masculinity means exerting dominance over those around you (be the alpha)

The most disturbing statistics you'll read: 

• over half of all boys are physically abused
• 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused
• children who are neglected are 9 times more likely to be involved in crime
• 90% of homicide perpetrators are male
• 94% of mass homicides are committed by males (mass homicide meaning 4+ people)

This is the most disturbing documentary I've seen to date (disclaimer: haven't seen too many in my day - I'm very sensitive to subjects like this). Even with my low credibility in this topic, you should take this seriously. Why? Because it effects every citizen of Earth, not just those with an XY chromosome pair. As long as we perpetuate this myth of masculinity, men will continue to feel entitled to domination and exerting power and force over others. Not only will they feel entitled to it, but they'll feel it's their responsibility as a man. If we as a society can combat these erroneous and harmful ideals, then we can make headway into solving issues of crime, rape, abuse, and countless other acts of violence that are a direct result of preventing an entire sex from expressing themselves in a healthy way. Expressing emotion is not an exclusive right given to females; it's something that every human being is entitled to. 

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi 

Raise our boys to know they can express emotions of sadness, joy, fear, empathy, and compassion. Raise our boys to stand up for themselves and their friends, that it's okay to hug your friend because he's had a hard day. Raise our boys to be emotionally intelligent beings who can and do feel a range of emotions in a healthy way. Don't shame them for crying, don't say "man up", "boys don't cry", or "you better stop crying, or else". Be kind. Love them. Teach them to love others and see them as human beings. Teach them that men and women are equals. Teach them that "you hit/run/throw/jump like a girl" means absolutely nothing different than hitting/running/throwing/jumping like a boy. Teach them to back down from a fight - that violence doesn't define them as men. Lastly, don't be discouraged by the world we live in. You really can make a difference, I know you can. 

"Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." KJV Bible, Romans 12:21 

Family Traditions

I've started thinking a lot about my family of origin and our traditions, and I realized they most often revolved around the TV. Our favorite activity as a family was gathering around the TV on weeknights to watch our shows - some of our favorites include(d):

• Walker Texas Ranger
• a variety of Telenovelas
• Modern Family
• The Middle
• The Office
• Parks and Recreation
• Ridiculousness
• The Goldbergs

I remember coming home from school in the 5th grade, dropping my back pack in the entryway, and running to my parents' room to watch "Walker Texas Ranger" with my mom. It was our favorite thing to do after school. 

As we got older, we began to quote movies to each other - and they became integral to our family expressions. Here are some of our favorites: 

• "No doy, the NCCs" - "Dodgeball"
• "Ouch town, population you bro" - "Dodgeball" 
• "Welcome to my world Yost" - "Remember the Titans
• "These are my PJs..." - "Nacho Libre"

Some favorites of mine and my husband's favorites: 

• "Don't you ever tell me how to live my life again" - "Hot Rod" 
• "I look hideous, and you let them hurt me like this" - "Nacho Libre" 
• "I'm worried about your salvation and stuff" - "Nacho Libre" 
• "They don't think I know a butt load of crap about the gospel, but I do" - "Nacho Libre" 
• "It's my hat now, this is totally my hat" - "Hot Rod"

Can you tell what our favorite movies are? 

I think using media for family traditions, specifically TV and movies, isn't a bad thing as long as the content is age appropriate and brings the family together. My favorite memories growing up involve a great comedy, almost entirely because my dad's laugh is infectious. I hope I can share good memories with my kids one day over our family favorites! 

More than Looks

On Wednesday we had a gender and media lecture in my class. It was an incredible lecture that touched on the media's perceptions of women (and men, but we focused mainly on women) and how damaging they are. Women are constantly bombarded with messages that they're not good enough: too fat, too skinny, too many curves, not enough curves, blonde when you should be brunette, Latina when you should be white, etc. etc. etc. The list is never ending - because the media is never satisfied. It's all a money making scheme - make women think they need something and they'll keep coming back for more. The effects of this thinking, however, are damaging in the long term.

I was so inspired by our lecture that I gave my Relief Society lesson on "To Young Women" from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's October 2005 General Conference address. I touched on a few things we discussed in class, but mainly stuck to the second half of his talk, which was on body image and our responsibility (as women) to lead by example, and be happy with who we are.

This week's lecture gave a new-found appreciation for my body and the incredible blessing it is. Satan attacks our bodies because he doesn't have one. Sucks for you bro, but you did that to yourself.

Reflections on Our Media Fast

What a month it's been - it honestly feels like it's been waaay longer than a month without media*. I had no idea how much of my life was consumed by media usage. Every picture or video taken was done so with the thought "oh my gosh, this is going to be so popular on Instagram!", every dinner was eaten in front of the TV while watching an episode of "Parks and Recreation", and every free moment I had during the day was either spent being productive or watching "Jane the Virgin" while simultaneously perusing my Facebook feed (the latter happened more often than the former... like 80/20... ok, 90/10). My life was a constant barrage of media - and I didn't even know how overstimulated I was until I cut it off. The first week was difficult, it just felt weird to sit with my own thoughts and not be constantly distracted. However, by week two I was loving the peaceful moments I was allowed during the day. I also began to notice that the Spirit's presence was stronger than before, when there was a surplus of media usage. I was really able to listen to that still small voice, prompting me during the day and giving me strength beyond my own. Previously, I would justify having the TV on all day because "I'm home alone a lot - it's creepy not hearing anyone's voice for hours and hours". While I still feel this way to an extent, I'm grateful for the experience I had because I learned that the Spirit was a much better companion to my quiet, and sometimes lonely, day than endless amounts of TV. Another benefit of this media fast was being able to spend uninterrupted time with my son. Something I noticed is that he looks at me for reassurance when exploring his world, like, A LOT. Every few seconds he looks back at me to see if I'm watching him. Or, he'll do something new and exciting and look back at me as if to say "did you see that?! I did that!!" How many of those moments did I miss before? How many times did he try to bid for my attention while I was distracted watching something else? It breaks my heart to think of the missed opportunities I had to bond with my son. The good new is that he's 8 months old, so I have plenty of time to make up for it.

Here's my takeaway: media is not innately evil, it's what you do with it (and how often you use it) that defines its role in your life. I'm not going to throw my TV in the dumpster, nor will I revert to using a carrier pigeon as my primary form of communication. BUT, I do hope to use media more wisely and sparingly.

*I should mention that it really turned into no social media at all, and a serious cutback on TV. We still read books and listened to music, and Ky has been playing the occasional video game here and there (much to my disappointment, but what can I say, you win some and you lose some).